The expression "I almost had to give up my firstborn child" does not translate into French. Use it and they'll think you're certifiable.
Your neighbors and your hairdresser will never stop commenting on your weight gain or loss.
There's a reason behind la priorité à droite. You will just never understand it.
The type of bra you prefer is a balconnet, not a banquette*.
As soon as they learn that you're American, they'll assume that you're rolling in dough. The expression "rolling in dough" doesn't translate either.
Stop trying to order your steak à point*. It will always arrive bleu*, no matter what.
That sweet looking, little old lady standing uncomfortably close to you in line at the boulangerie is trying to cut in front of you. Stand your ground.
It is de l'eau* or un verre d'eau*. Get that through your head already.
The day that you're running late for an appointment in town is the day that all the streets on your route will be shut down for a manifestation.
You will never be able to pronounce the words grenouille* or moelleux*. Stop embarrassing yourself by trying to.
You will continue to have those incredible "oh my god I live in France" moments. Savor them.
As soon as you get comfortable and think you've got this whole living in France thing all figured out, remember that you really haven't.
And remember to breathe.
*banquette - seat
*à point - medium
*bleu - rare
*de l'eau - some water
*un verre d'eau - a glass of water
*grenouille - frog
*moelleux - soft or mellow
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